Dear Ponder – You got to England and now you aren’t playing because of a fractured rib.  You better come back from that ready to kick some ass.  Annika & I argued on your behalf for the entire game last Sunday.  I might even let you play one week on my fantasy team.  I have faith in you and I’m deeply sorry that our fans get angry when we are losing and blame you instead of our horse shit offensive line (they might be to blame for your injury).  So get well soon.
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Dear Vikings – I’m still really confused why you are playing in England this week… Maybe they should send one of their soccer teams here to play.  Ponder that.
Dear Kenzy, Madelyn and Kennedy – You are going to Disneyworld in two weeks.  I am soooo jealous of your trip.  I wish I could be there to see all of your faces.  When your parents fill you in on this surprise, you are going to crap your pants.  I hope it is the most magical trip ever.  Say hi to Mickey Mouse for me.
Dear Mice – I know that you found your way into our basement last fall.  Somehow one of you found their way in again even after having the wildlife management people out.  Let me tell you – J Money is not up for visitors of your kind right now.  I’m sorry you had to die and be thrown in our garage can inside of 75 plastic bags because I don’t want to smell you – but hopefully that sends a message to your friends.


Dear Fireball – Thank you for your help when I didn’t know how to help my husband with the mice situation.  I poured him a shot of you for his troubles and he was satisfied.  Now I need to restock.  You are just wonderful.
Dear New York City – I’m coming for you this week.  I need to find a new home so please be kind.
Now it’s time to back that azzzzzzzz up.  Sorry for this song, but it’s kind of ridiculous.

 

Venus Trapped in Mars